𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒔 𝑳𝒀𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖
I’ve been thinking today about perception. How our minds create filters that affect what we notice, how we feel, and how we react, without consciously realizing that our reality is being censored.
It’s like an algorithm. When we go through heartbreak, loss, embarrassment, etc., our brains monitor our distress and come up with internal rules to try to protect us from more of the same. Did a guy with a certain cologne break your heart? From now on, you automatically mistrust anyone you date wearing that scent. You don’t think about it; it’s an instant response to the rule your brain put in place.
“If A, then B.”
The problem is, our brains don’t always get the real cause of our hurt. You might date the most amazing man, who would have loved you fiercely, but you don’t let him into your heart because “something just isn’t right” — not realizing it’s the cologne your brain is reacting to.
And it gets bigger.
Think of a woman who was deeply hurt by a man. Her brain starts looking for hurt — or potential hurt — in all the men around her. She stops noticing the sweet guy who always holds the door for her at the office, but remembers the one who cuts in front of her on line at Starbucks. And then, she complains to her girlfriends about how “there are no good men out there.”
She may get so bitter about men that the good ones quietly remove themselves from her life, when they realize she doesn’t notice or appreciate them.
Our brains filter our perceptions, but we can guide them and consciously program them by addressing our wounds and subconscious beliefs. We can change our inner algorithms to pick out people who are safe for our hearts, instead of constantly noticing the ones who would break them.
It took me a while to get this and put it into action. But it was so life-changing that it became a central part of how I support my clients.
What’s something you find helpful in your own inner work? I’d love to know!