I just KNOW he's going to ghost me!
Have you ever noticed a time where you kept feeling like your new love interest was going to disintegrate at any moment? That you needed your partner to keep giving you signs that things were ok?
That was SO me. I was a pretty insecure gal. There were two big pieces that were at the root of these feelings.
𝑶𝒏𝒆: 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇. I was using my relationships as an escape from my life and from my self, so they never truly felt real or solid. I would immerse myself in the other person's world and lose myself. I'd try to be the most agreeable, sweet, lovable girlfriend...who wouldn't want that, right? But deep down, it all felt fake. Unsustainable. And my partners unconsciously could all feel it.
The more insecure I got, the more I would cling onto them. And the more I did that, the more I pushed them away. It led to a cycle of insecurity and horrific anxiety.
And, the fun didn't end there. Reason #1 gave birth to...
𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒐𝒏 #𝟐: 𝑫𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏, 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕.
We seek validation when we aren't secure. Sometimes, we just know that something isn't going to work out. I remember over-texting this guy to make plans because I had a feeling he was going to ghost me. Guess who ghosted me? Yup.
I knew that I met him when I was in a state of disconnect with myself, so how could he truly connect with me?
How could his heart truly open to me when I was so busy trying to flail around to grab his attention, rather than opening and embodying my deeper, most lovable self?
I knew he wouldn't stick around, even though at the time, I was incredibly attached to the hope that he would.
The thing that helped me was coming back home to myself. Instead of running myself ragged trying to be lovable, I made more time for simple pleasures on my own. And when I started dating new people, I prioritized time with myself even more.
Everything I had been taught told me that I would come off sounding unavailable, self-centered, or cold. That couldn't have been more wrong. Having a life I enjoyed made me more intriguing. It made me more energized and happy when we interacted. It made the men I dated sit up a little straighter, and want to share more of themselves to keep my interest.
It wasn't about playing hard to get; I'm not a fan of games, because that just gets you someone who plays games back. It was about having a self, and valuing my time and energy. When I valued my own happiness and took responsibility for creating and sustaining it, it became a whole lot easier to attract men who valued themselves and me.
What's one thing you do to give yourself fun and loving acceptance?